


tumbled hourglass

by donoteavesdrop



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Did I Mention Angst?, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Non AU, Pining, Romance, Secret Relationship, Sexual Tension, Taeyong Tries to be a Responsible Leader, Ten Has a Lot of Feelings, Ten and Taeyong are Tragically In Love, baby don't stop era, secret romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-01 13:06:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16285139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donoteavesdrop/pseuds/donoteavesdrop
Summary: ten can’t recall how it all started.maybe it all started back when he was an sm trainee, bone-shakingly terrified but eager-eyed.when all seemed to be unknown to him, taeyong became the beat he could groove along to.





	1. i

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by the smrookies game time show, the glorious baby don’t stop era, and ultimately, ten and taeyong’s tragically undeniable chemistry. 
> 
> apologies for discrepancies in timelines. this was meant to be a one-shot, but it became a monstrous thing of a fic so i separated it into 10+ chapters. warning: immense angst in the latter half of the fic. will try to post a new chapter every week. enjoy.

ten can’t recall how it all started.

maybe it all started back when he was an sm trainee, bone-shakingly terrified but eager-eyed. amidst the grueling choreographies and vocal lessons, the pressure of conforming to a certain look and attitude fit for a k-pop idol, and trying to get along with boys who will potentially be his lifelong co-workers—all the while struggling to understand incomprehensible korean—he found solace in certain people who made the arduous journey more bearable.

winwin, the baby-faced foreigner he entered the company with. ten easily related to him, being the lost outsiders trying to make it in the cut throat k-pop world. johnny, the english-speaking big brother who endlessly dotes on him. taking part as ten’s honorary translator, he always make sure to include ten in the playful banter of the other boys.

and then there was taeyong.

taeyong, whose face—akin to the caliber of helen of troy’s legendary beauty—can launch a thousand ships, or rather, a thousand screaming fangirls. lee taeyong, who ten instantly knew would be the key visual of the group with his unimaginably alluring face and his long, lithe physique. he was almost untouchable, golden even, walking around sm entertainment’s halls like a star waiting to explode. not only did he win the genetic lottery appearance-wise, but when ten heard him belt out tunes and glide through the dance floor during training, ten knew that he was at the right place—sm entertainment not only scouts for the most good looking talents, but the most musically gifted ones, too.

it was no wonder why ten would initially be intimidated by taeyong. he wanted to be like taeyong, looked up to him, saw flaws in himself that he didn’t see in the older boy. but when taeyong approached him one day when he was tirelessly practicing dance moves alone, his cold illusion immediately dissipated. with the way taeyong sauntered next to him with easy eyes, imitating the choreography ten was practicing, ten knew that it was the beginning of a special bond. they started practicing together often, and despite being lost in translation through words, it didn’t matter then because they conversed through the language of dance.

and danced, they did. they danced together so frequently, it was as if being dance partners bled out to their relationship’s other facets. despite language barriers and cultural differences, ten and taeyong knew how to respond to each other. no silences deemed awkward, just interactions threaded with patience and empathy. they got along naturally, so much so, that when they ended up being chosen to do a romantic dare while filming the smrookies game time show in 2015, they easily rode along with it to the shock (and entertainment) of the other members.

easy, relaxed and fluid.

maybe it all started _then_ , when he and taeyong had to pretend they were lovers out in the open in the gimpo airport. ten never thought of taeyong romantically until _then_ , always saw him as a role model and a big brother figure. isn’t it strange, ten ponders, how people limit themselves so much to possible romantic relationships? because with the way taeyong’s slender fingers interlocked with his, fitting his own snugly and safely, and with the way taeyong thanked him with a bashful smile after offering to fetch their drinks from the counter the way a lover would, it was as if ten was living in an alternative universe that shockingly came natural to him.

the experience of pretending to be taeyong’s lover not only unlocked the cavern in his mind that, apparently, had been hiding this deep-seated attraction to taeyong.

to make matters more complicated and self-confrontational, ten had also started contemplating the what-ifs of his future romantic relationships since _then_ . the verdict being: his undeniable inclination towards men _—_ a knowledge of himself he hadn’t fully grasped then. flying straight to seoul from bangkok at the ripe age of 17 and thrown into gruesome training schedules that allow little to no dating life, ten hadn’t had much romantic experience, save for a bit of teenage flirting here and there with girls that left him a tad too lukewarm.

sure, ten finds women beautiful and compelling. but when ten realized that he found women beautiful and compelling in a non-sexual way, or rather, in ways he sometimes wished he was, he knew he had a skeleton in his closet that he must bury. not only because south korea’s society is peculiarly homophobic (a quirk he’s gotten used to as a foreigner, considering all the skinship men display towards each other), but because he’s shed way too much blood, sweat and tears to get to where he was to let a silly romance get in the way.  

 _maybe it all started then._ ten can’t help but wonder, _how everything will all end—_

 

**• • •**

 

 _—_ a mobile phone rings. from where it’s precariously placed on ten’s bed, it haphazardly falls to the floor. ten, who is unceremoniously straddling taeyong’s lap, accidentally kicks it with his foot as he shifts his weight, nestling his hips on the spot where he can feel taeyong harden.

taeyong mutters an incomprehensible curse word. “hold on,” he wraps a strong forearm around ten’s waist and leans forward to reach for the fallen device on the floor.

“shit. was that your phone?” ten looks over his shoulder, gingerly clinging to taeyong.

frowning, taeyong checks his phone for any bumps or cracks. “it’s okay,” and it continues ringing.

“who is it?”

squinting at the screen, taeyong pauses then tilts his head. he purses his lips and makes the decision to place it on the bedside table, arm still wrapped around ten’s slender waist. “johnny,” taeyong mutters, lips already making its way to the sensitive crook of ten’s neck. it draws out a gasp from ten.

“aren’t you going to answer it?” asks ten, fingers clutching taeyong’s shoulder. “what if it’s something important?”

giving in, taeyong gently pulls away and shoots ten a worried look, realizing how irresponsible it is not to answer. being the group’s leader is a 24/7 job after all, and with more than a dozen members, things can go haywire any second.

“should i?” taeyong reluctantly asks, torn between being respectful to their makeout session or to the subject of the phone call. answering calls from other members is a necessity, not only for communication purposes, but for the fact that it’s common for a member to call while filming a variety show, a v live stream, and other promotional whatnots.

the shrill ringtone breaks the silence in ten’s room.

“well, he can text right after if it’s really _really_ important?” ten traces taeyong’s jawline with his finger, distracted. he leans forward to lick a sensitive spot beneath taeyong’s jaw, satisfied by how it makes the latter’s body writhe.

just when taeyong’s about to answer his phone, the ringing abruptly halts. after about five seconds of staring at the phone in curiosity, the phone buzzes with his message ringtone. taeyong grabs his phone and squints at the screen.

ten looks at him curiously, “nothing urgent?”

as if a big weight was lifted off his back, taeyong slackens his shoulders and shakes his head in relief. “he restocked the febreze.” ten snorts. “told me not to pass by the grocery anymore to buy it,” taeyong says sheepishly, reaching over to place the phone back on the bedside table.

“you know,” ten teases, eyes lit up with utter fondness, “—you should save yourself the trouble and hoard febreze stocks for your dorm. i can even buy them for you on your birthday. if you’re too lazy and frugal to do that.”

“yeah?” taeyong’s eyes are wide.

ten raises his eyebrows and smirks.

“in bulk.”

“big spender,” hoisting their bodies on the bed further, taeyong wears a cheeky green on his face. “you would do that for me?”

in jest, ten rolls his eyes dramatically, “hyung, i’d do anything for you.”

when their positions are settled so that they’re both laying on the middle of the bed, ten reaches out for a pillow and places it beneath taeyong’s head. now straddling taeyong’s reclined body, his palms resting on taeyong’s chest, ten takes a moment to savour the view laid out underneath him.

taeyong is wearing a loose black shirt and his favorite black ripped skinny jeans, his pale arms peeking out from his sleeves and his pronounced collarbones visible. he hasn’t removed his makeup from the magazine shoot earlier, silver dangling cross earring still in place on his helix piercing and subtle bronze eyeshadow still intact. when ten texted him that the boys won’t be in the dorm till later in the evening, hey, do you want to come over? taeyong rushed straight to ten’s dorm after the photoshoot.

it’s difficult for ten to grasp how things ended up this way. from when they had to pretend to be a couple in gimpo airport for the smrookies game time show, to a drunken confession a few months back, to promoting baby don’t stop, never did ten think that things would escalate to this level.

what a gift it is to have taeyong lay on his bed like this, ten muses, and to have his very own room among all the members where he and taeyong could hide in their own little world. it’s almost too good to be true. many times ten thinks he deserves everything, always getting what he wants since he was a child, but never would he have thought that everything included this.

taeyong uncomfortably shifts his weight beneath ten, a puzzled look on his face.

“why? is there something on my face?”

“oh—” shaken from his trance, ten snaps his head. “it’s nothing,” he switches the topic with a grin. “am i heavy?”

furrowing his eyebrows, taeyong vigorously shakes his head no, as if hearing nonsense. taeyong gently pulls ten’s body towards him, so that their chests are touching, heartbeat to heartbeat. he snakes the tips of his fingers beneath ten’s shirt, presses his thumbs on that delicate spot above his hip bones. it urges ten to grind his hips. no control, no inhibitions, pure magnetism with every single touch from taeyong.

just when taeyong’s about to palm ten’s hard-on through his boxers, they hear the muffled sound of the dorm’s main door opening. startled, they both pull away from each other and freeze.

then, the sound of the main door closing followed by a flurry of footsteps.

“who’s that?” taeyong shoots ten a worried look, already standing up and flattening his hair and t-shirt. they separate like two teenagers caught having sex in public, scurrying away from each other clumsily and as quickly as they can.

taeyong looks ridiculously petrified, so ten tries to stay calm, listening intently for any sounds of footsteps directed towards his room. good thing he’s instructed the other members to always, always, always knock before entering—a privilege being the eldest hyung in the dorm can easily have.

“i don’t know,” ten hunches his shoulders in confusion and shakes his head. “jeno told me they’ll arrive later."

taeyong faces the door and points at it with his two index fingers. “should i leave…?”

“ah! wait. you left your jacket here last week. the leather one with zippers?” ten rummages through his closet, opens it with his back facing taeyong. it reveals a slightly disorganized wardrobe and taeyong’s strong maternal instinct goes off, mentally taking note to organize it for him next time.

“if you pass by anyone,” ten tosses the jacket to taeyong, “just say you got it back.”

taeyong laughs, amazed at ten’s quick thinking and sly ways

“how are you an expert at this?”

ten winks, “you know how i get around.”

taeyong pushes ten’s shoulder playfully and pokes hard at his stomach.

“joking! i’m joking!” ten squirms.

leather jacket in hand, taeyong gives ten one final peck, so sweet it hurts, before heading towards the door.

“you’re so hot,” ten comments in english as he watches taeyong leave, much to the embarrassment of the older man. and in an endearing way that kills taeyong, ten lightly adds, already flopping on the bed, “message me when you get back to your dorm?” the hem of ten’s white oversized shirt exposes his taut stomach, unaware of how his heavy-lidded eyes look all too inviting. all that taeyong wants to do is to stay.

willing the pace of his heartbeat to steady, taeyong coyly salutes ten before exiting the room.

after hearing the muted sound of the dorm’s main door close outside his room, ten faces the ceiling and closes his eyes. never did he think that his infatuation-turned full-blown-lust and longing for taeyong would amount to all this. and yet there’s a nagging feeling in his chest that’s full of dread and pessimism, hard to ignore and swallow, so ten sleeps, not wanting to wake up from this reverie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are highly appreciated! ♥


	2. ii

innately imaginative for as long as he can remember, ten’s mind naturally wanders to places that are off limits.

ever since the gimpo airport incident in 2015 where he and taeyong lost a game and had to pretend to be a couple in public—or that fated time he got a taste of what taeyong feels like beneath his fingertips—ten’s mind uncontrollably switched on overdrive.

the fleeting moments weren’t enough. entwining his fingers with taeyong’s, carrying his body weight with his arms, leaning his chin on the crook of his shoulder, acting as if they were engaged in a relationship that was anything but platonic. the heat emitted in the small spaces between them was electrifying to say the least, and he hadn’t experienced anything quite like it in his twenty years of living.

now whenever taeyong is in the same room, ten can’t help but reminisce how slender his waist feels beneath his fingers, eyes boring into what’s beneath taeyong’s loose-fitting shirts when he’s not looking. ten’s fingertips burn, eyes secretive, remembering how well they fit each other and how he’s craving to touch taeyong once more.

ten wonders if it isn’t anything personal. the circumstances which he and the other members have been thrown into deprive them of any sexual contact with the opposite sex, or anyone at all. it doesn’t help that they’re surrounded by the most good looking guys imaginable—the creme of the crop of the ones who have won the genetic lottery. it shouldn’t come as a surprise when one feels attracted with another, ten supposes.

he’s also heard stories from johnny, who has heard stories from male sunbaes how it’s normal for same-sex sexual encounters to happen, not just in sm entertainment, but in the whole k-pop entertainment industry in general. it was a well-known secret that everybody knew but nobody talked about. come to think of it, it isn’t like being in college where everyone is free to date whoever they wish to. it’s more like being holed up in a confined jailhouse of the the most good looking people imaginable, at the tender age of adolescence at that, and being expected to behave like robots as if they weren’t humans with hormones and sexual needs.

what’s more is how they’re segregated into groups of the same sex with limited contact with the opposite sex.

before he decided to pursue his dream, ten knew that there was little to no possibility of a private life. what he didn’t know was how mentally taxing it was to hold back when he finally finds someone he’s attracted to.

—and being attracted to a male figure who simultaneously is his group’s leader makes things all the more difficult.

it doesn’t help that taeyong, good looks aside, is patient and caring in all ways anyone can fall in love with. it almost makes ten feel guilty for wanting him the way he does, how he craves for needless attention, and on rougher days where he somehow feels on edge, how he yearns for explicit contact from him. whenever taeyong patiently teaches the other members dance moves they find difficult or when taeyong cooks or buys food for everyone just for the sake of it doesn’t make things easier for ten, who in his turmoil not only tries to shrug off feelings of lustful attraction towards taeyong, but has to ignore feelings of infatuation towards him as well.

interestingly enough, what makes it easier for ten is how nct has been bestowed with more than several members. he can focus on the way johnny’s immense height makes him feel small and vulnerable, or the way jaehyun looks straight out of a k-drama, or the way yukhei’s voice is sinfully deep, or the way yuta can charm the hell out of anybody with his unapologetically winsome smile.

maybe if he tries hard enough, if he really really tries hard enough to zero in on the other members’ strong points, maybe then he can shrug off his attraction towards taeyong and tell himself that the older boy isn’t all that special. he can play off his attraction towards him as mere sexual deprivation—nothing more than craving touch as he wades through the dark sea of loneliness in him that sometimes feel prevalent, especially when the going gets tough.

and yet, still, nothing seems to make ten notice taeyong any less.

 

• • •

 

remembering how his high school friends used to date,

ten thinks the world ‘love’ is overrated.

with walls meticulously built, taeyong is painfully aware

how he falls a little bit in love with everybody.

 

• • •

 

in the four walls of the recording studio, ten and taeyong immerse themselves in the steady, unfinished beat of a work in progress.

the song conveys a strong, rubbery bass and lo-fi synthetics that mix deliciously well together. while the instrumental track plays, taeyong hums along to give ten an idea of how the song will sound like in its entirety. ten easily bops his head to the groove, shoulders submitting to the beat and hands making dance-y waves in the air.

it’s 11:30 pm, the others have gone back to their dorms save for a few packing their bags in the studio who are calling it a day, while taeyong’s night is just about to start. ten keeps him company, restless with being unable to perform for the longest time due to his knee surgery.

taeyong presses a button among a multitude of commands on the audio workstation, cutting the the track short. “what do you think?” he intently looks at ten, hip against the recording table.

“sounds sexy,” ten concludes, leaning back. he’s sitting on top of a table perpendicular to the audio workstation. papers of lyrics are strewn on the table he's sitting on. “i can already see it winning awards, hyung.”

taeyong scratches the back of his head, “i don’t think we’re aiming for awards with this one though.” his dry, disheveled hair is currently a pale shade of blonde, damaged from constant hair dyes from promoting limitless and cherry bomb. the sight of taeyong sans heaps of hair products makes ten think of how fragile taeyong really is, how despite the cool, charismatic image he portrays to the entire world, his robust yet delicate body still tries to catch up with normalcy—bruises from unceremonious falls during dance practice, zits from late night songwriting sessions, brittle hair from multiple on-stage personas.

“management said this one’s going to be a bit low-key. only two to four members will perform this, apparently.”

“oh? which members?”

“don’t know,” taeyong shrugs. “it isn’t decided yet. after this song gets written, i guess they’ll run over the lyrics to some of the members and give it to the ones that best suit the song. i’m not even sure if i’ll be singing it.”

“what’s it about?”

“it’s about a guy—” taeyong tilts his head to the side and carefully chooses his words, drifting in thought. “well, no, it could be about a girl. we were told not to use gender specific pronouns.”

ten frowns. “how come, hyung?”

“so it could relate to everybody,” taeyong trails off, informing ten about the current trend of gender neutral songs and its ability to capture more listeners, especially the foreign crowd. ten nods his head like a class a student, sipping on his his iced americano with his feet dangling away from the floor.

“anyway,” taeyong continues, “it’s about being attracted to somebody. and thinking that the person they’re attracted to likes them back.”

“so it’s about love?”

“not quite. more of, wanting to get to that stage.”

“so it’s like the game?” ten thoughtfully sips his iced americano from where’s sitting on top of the table, legs swinging from the table. “cat and mouse sort of thing?”

“not as predatory,” taeyong chuckles, adding matter-of-factly, “it’s more about... what’s the word? seduction. basically, he’s asking the person he likes for signs. if he likes him back, too.”

ten stares at him blankly, letting the words wash over them.

“—i mean,” taeyong shakes his head, realizing his slip in pronoun usage. “that _she_ likes him back, too.” taeyong bites his lip, looking uncomfortable and red-handed.

“why, hyung?” ten cuts him short, and pointedly says, “he could like a guy.”

looking impossibly tiny in his black oversized hoodie, hood covering his head and his bangs slightly covering his eyes, ten feels strangely courageous as he watches taeyong fumble for words. the sight of taeyong looking disheveled inexplicably tugs on his chest for reasons he can’t comprehend.

“well, r-right,” taeyong walks towards ten’s side where the papers of lyrics are placed, as if trying to ignore the heat of ten’s stare. “so,” he clears his throat, “it’s basically about a person who wants to take it to the next level from being just friends. so he’s asking the person he likes to keep giving him ‘go’ signs.”

“ah, so it’s not an unrequited love kind of thing?”

“could be, could be not,” taeyong gazes at ten half a second too long, until it burns. he mindlessly runs his fingertips on the paper of lyrics then, unable to look at ten’s eyes. “well, that’s what the first guy thinks anyway. or the girl.”

ten stares up at nothing and nods his head, “cool concept.”

“yeah, if only i could get the rap lyrics right,” taeyong pulls the chair and flops on it dramatically. “i have to wrap this up by tomorrow morning. i’m stuck.”

“let me see the lyrics, hyung,” ten hovers over taeyong and glances at the unfinished lyrics. it has scribbles and crossed out words on them, and ten can envision the late nights taeyong put into this while everyone had already been deep in a slumber. “the rap should be in full english?” ten asks, eyeing phrases like ‘i’ll play in the paris’ and artists’ names that only sound familiar to him from art history classes he took back in the international high school he attended.

rothke, auguste rodin, claudel.

“not necessarily,” shaking his head no, taeyong shrugs. “could be a mix of korean and english.”

“maybe add visual words?” as if a lightbulb moment struck him, ten places his drink on his side, its moisture creating wet circles on the table that taeyong will wipe for him later.

“hyung, when you like someone, what do you notice about them?” before taeyong can answer, ten is already reaching out to grab taeyong’s hand. “for example, the person’s hand. i want to hold your hand, beatles style,” ten smiles, “do you know that song, hyung? i want to hold your hand—” ten’s hand feels tiny in taeyong’s, half covered by the sleeve of his oversized hoodie. “—i want to hold your hand," ten singsongs. "it’s a classic acoustic song.”

“y-yeah,” taeyong absentmindedly says. he doesn’t pull his hand away. “i think so. sounds familiar.”

“so, a person’s hand,” ten holds taeyong’s wrist and displays the older boy’s hand in the air, scrutinizing it. “what do you want to do with it? to touch it, to hold it. what feelings does it give?” ten presses taeyong’s hand with his. “warmth. the touch is so warm it makes you melt.”

embarrassed, taeyong pulls his hand away and pushes ten, looking mortified.

“sorry,” ten smiles mischievously, looking satisfied with himself. “i’m not really made for songwriting, hyung.”

and just like that, taeyong changes from overtly flustered to overprotective, doting even. of all the members, ten has noticed that he has the ability to make taeyong cringe and feel endearment towards him all at the same time. a quirk ten finds hard to ignore.

“hey, don’t say that,” taeyong frowns at him, almost scolds him even. “you never know,” taeyong urges, never being able to stomach ten’s self-deprecating ways. “you’ll be writing songs in the future, too.”

ten gives a shit-eating grin. “thanks for believing in me, hyung.”

“don’t thank me. everyone believes in you. you should believe in yourself, too.”

“‘course i do,” ten grabs his drink and slides off the table. “but for now i’ll stick to my drawings,” ten adds after a thought. “—and dancing to your lyrics.”

from the corner of ten's eye, taeyong’s lips quirk fondly.

“suit yourself.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are highly appreciated! ♥


End file.
